MEMORANDUM

To: Everyone, especially morning shows, entertainment shows, etc

From: Peter, former member, Viewers for Quality Television (defunct)

Re: I care

For the record, I do not care about American Idol.

I don’t care about two unknowns I’ll barely remember five years from now belting out songs I may have never heard, or if I have enjoyed much more when they were originally done. I just don’t care.

I don’t care if it is supposedly “unifying America.” Mass executions would unify the nation as well, but you wouldn’t see me there by choice either. Never underestimate Americans' desire to follow the crowd.

This isn’t to say I am apathetic, though. I do care. Just not about American Idol or any of its ilk.

I care about redballs. I care about the jury reaching a verdict and Judge Bone screaming “Wambaugh!” and Adam Schiff saying to make an offer. I care about Tony’s failed marriage and Christopher’s possible marriage and Nate’s…marriage? I care about Frank Pembleton cursing Catholicism and Lorelai Gilmore cursing Richard and Emily and Paulie Walnuts just, well, cursing. I care about the mountie hats of Rome, Wisconsin and Taylor’s soda shoppe in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and sometimes I even care about Providence, Rhode Island. Sometimes.

I care about Vonda Shepard playing downstairs and Grant Lee Phillips playing outside and if Carter wants to be deputized, then please, Jimmy, just do it. I care about Jarod reuniting with his parents and Mr. Weisman reuniting with his wife and if Theo wants to go play President then I might just care a little about that, too. I care about President Sheen and Press Secretary Janney, and I liked Casey and Dan but all of them sink or swim with Aaron. Many times it’s the latter.

I care about Dancing Bandits and town troubadours and Max Perlich can show up anywhere any time he wants. I care about Luke’s and the Waterfront and any restaurant Tony frequents, especially if he once torched the joint. I care about talking fish and talking ghosts and talking so fast that your name must be Gilmore. I care about Ben getting angry and Jean-Luc getting angry and if Q’s involved then I care even more. I care about G wanting results and Bobby wanting an acquittal and Richard wanting more cash, and perhaps some wattle.

I care about Patrick’s twin and Rory’s half-sister but I can’t bring myself to care about that kid of Ally’s. I care about Brenda and I care about Kellerman but I don’t care about Jess, because only so many outsiders are allowed. Especially when they annoy me like he does. I care about law firms and inns and secret government operations and even more law firms and diners and maybe even a doctor’s office here and there. Maybe. Maybe a bowling alley as well.

I still care about redballs, because when there’s a redball it’s all you’re supposed to care about. I care about Tim Bayless, no matter what he did wrong before he left, and I care about Lorelai Gilmore, no matter what she’ll do wrong next week. I care about Dawson Leery (for a second) and Jed Bartlett (for a minute) and Meldrick Lewis (forever.)

I care about scripted drama. It kicks your ass and then you beg for more.

Then there’s scripted comedy. I could go on for ages, but you need to go enjoy your American Suck.